In My Interracial Marriage, Love Conquers All.
Updated: Sep 15, 2020
This past weekend I came across an interesting article on Popsugar that resonated with me titled, An Open Letter to Black Women in Interracial Relationships. The author talks about how she has been ridiculed and bullied throughout her relationship for choosing her white husband and how people are so quick to pass judgment before getting to know them. What surprised me is that even her inner circles have viewed her as not "Black enough" because of her husband. Now, I can honestly say that no one has made me feel that I'm not "Black enough" because of my mixed-race marriage (at least not yet). But I could relate to such a judgmental statement. I'm so tired of the judgment. Reading the article made me reflect on my own experience as a Black woman in an interracial relationship.
"So, are you two together?" is a question my husband and I often get asked without fail when walking into restaurants. People never assume we are a couple. I've grown accustomed over the years to the confusion and stares. Some stare out of curiosity, and sometimes we've received stares that say, "you two should not be together." Trust me, these days, I can usually tell the difference. Some people choose to be vocal about how they feel about seeing us together.
Living in NYC as an interracial couple has been interesting, to say the least. New Yorkers are bold and say whatever is on their mind, and I love them for that. But sometimes they can almost be too bold. I'll never forget the time a random white man on the street stopped us on our way home from dinner and outright asked my husband why he was with a Black woman. We were both shocked, the audacity of this guy. My husband then proudly said, "I'm not with her because she's Black; I'm with her because I love her." I'll never understand why that man, a total stranger, felt he needed an explanation of why we were together.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in 2020 or the 1950s. Why is there still disapproval of interracial relationships? Is it a generational thing? I do feel as if most people our age could care less. However, in today's racial climate, I think the long stares and whispers have become notably more frequent. The disapproval isn't just from white people either; we've gotten our fair share of dirty looks on the subway from Black brothers and sisters. They make eye contact with me as if to say, "how could you"?
I understand the topic of interracial relationships is nothing new. One might ask why it's even an issue that still needs to be discussed. I feel like there are many layers regarding why people still have biases and racist views towards interracial couples; it's not something that can be resolved in just one conversation. Nothing will change without a continuous open dialogue.
In a world of online dating and endless choices, it can be challenging to find someone you love and connect with on a deeper level. When you find that kind of love, who cares what color they are! The fact of the matter is that love wins, and we need to celebrate love no matter what it looks like on the outside.